As a professional helper, I needed to learn to dial back on my percentage of advice giving versus listening and asking questions/understanding. Giving advice made ME feel good, but often was not helpful to my clients.
Although I would argue that a psychotherapist has more license to give advice than anyone else. If they can clearly see errors/pathways that are negatively affecting the client, it is their job to expose them?
Agreed. So it's not a matter of whether to give advice, but rather how and when. It's a complicated matter of technique that I'm sure you confront in your own work.
In my personal life, I bend over backward to not act like the typical shrink who gives unsolicited psych advice in social settings. I think that is just the worst thing!
Ha! Do you find people run when they hear you are a psychotherapist? As if you will be analysing them? How can you not? You can't unlearn what you know.
Yes, people got uncomfortable when I said I was a therapist. I would reassure them that I never analyze people for free! Surprisingly (to me), I don't tend to "analyze" people in social situations. That's hard serious work and I just want to have fun, so I don't go down that mental road much. Although sometimes someone is just so weird that, well, you know ...
Or, as Dale Carnegie wrote in the 1930s, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “if you want honey, don’t kick over the beehive." Excellent post, Baird.
Thanks Dim. Carnegie packed a lot of good advice in that book. Sales professionals made it something of a bible for influencing customer buy decisions.
Amazing how common and unhelpful 'advising' is. It feels like a slap in the face.
As a professional helper, I needed to learn to dial back on my percentage of advice giving versus listening and asking questions/understanding. Giving advice made ME feel good, but often was not helpful to my clients.
Although I would argue that a psychotherapist has more license to give advice than anyone else. If they can clearly see errors/pathways that are negatively affecting the client, it is their job to expose them?
Agreed. So it's not a matter of whether to give advice, but rather how and when. It's a complicated matter of technique that I'm sure you confront in your own work.
In my personal life, I bend over backward to not act like the typical shrink who gives unsolicited psych advice in social settings. I think that is just the worst thing!
Ha! Do you find people run when they hear you are a psychotherapist? As if you will be analysing them? How can you not? You can't unlearn what you know.
Yes, people got uncomfortable when I said I was a therapist. I would reassure them that I never analyze people for free! Surprisingly (to me), I don't tend to "analyze" people in social situations. That's hard serious work and I just want to have fun, so I don't go down that mental road much. Although sometimes someone is just so weird that, well, you know ...
Perhaps genuinely liking ones opposite number helps.
Definitely Michael. Now you're into the realm of "compatibility", which is a whole other and very interesting topic!
Or, as Dale Carnegie wrote in the 1930s, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “if you want honey, don’t kick over the beehive." Excellent post, Baird.
Thanks Dim. Carnegie packed a lot of good advice in that book. Sales professionals made it something of a bible for influencing customer buy decisions.